…and maybe someday, I’ll finally feel beautiful <3
Slumber party Barbie
In 1965 Mattel produced this doll, who came complete with a helpful book on how to loose weight and a scale to track Barbie’s caloric sins. Everyone knows that the most fun you can have at a sleepover party is to have everyone stand on a scale, reveal their weight and then read about how to get thinner, right? The book was full of helpful hints, like this gem. “Don’t eat”. The scale that came with the set reads 110 lbs. By medical estimates, this means that a girl with Barbie’s proportions would be 35 lbs underweight.
So I ate around 1450 calories today which is kind of freaking me out. To feel a little better i exceeded my 20 minute workout restriction and did 40 minutes and now my body feels really weak and my stomach is bloated :(
Has this ever happened to anyone else during recovery?
I know she means well, but i wish my mom would stay out of this and just let me deal with it. This goes for my other friends and family as well. I know I have an eating disorder, i’m trying to recover, but when they try to force food down my throat it doesn’t get me anywhere.
I am pressured to eat 24/7 by people. It doesn’t make me want to, in fact it just makes me want to control more and just not eat at all. I do better on my own with this. My family pressures me to eat and i end up getting stomach aches so bad that by the next day i can barely even hold anything down. This isn’t getting me anywhere, its like going backwards.
I wish they would just worry about themselves and stop trying to push me.
Being today is a holiday, we had a family get together with lots of food (that I didn’t want). Being present, i was expected to eat. When i didn’t want to, i was interrogated and yelled at. I was forced to eat more than im usually comfortable with. As it is, my stomach kills whenever I eat, but right now i can’t even describe the pain. I’m doing all that i can to just keep it down. =(
I’m going on week 7 of recovery, and it is still just as hard as it was the first week, if not worse.
I see so many girls who post stories about how they recovered and how much progress they are making, its not fair, why can’t i be one of those girls. Instead, i’m fighting myself with tears streaming down my face. I’ve already wanted to just relapse and go back to feeling numb to everything. I know that its not a good idea, its just hard to convince myself of that sometimes.
